By Adrianna Celani
Picture this: You’re a 16-year-old girl sitting in the alarm beeping ER waiting for a sporadic EKG. Your mother is terrified she will lose you as your body is slowly shutting down. This was the situation I was continuously in from 2020 to 2022. Like many children my age, I finished my freshman year of high school online due to the Covid-19 pandemic. I was also one of the few who remained a remote student through sophomore year. Although it was for my protection, this ended up causing more complications than anyone could have foreseen. With my physical isolation from people, along came social isolation. From becoming acclimated to staying home, and being alone, I developed immense anxiety. This anxiety was related to social environments and school. All I thought about was my academics, and what I had to do to remain exceptional. This may sound as if I was just very responsible or work driven, however, it was so much more than what was on the surface.
For me, when I felt like my life or situations were out of my control, I had tendencies to shut down. I pushed others away and ignored my needs. Basic needs, such as eating or brushing my hair, or more social needs, like having a passing conversation with my mom, I essentially deleted them from my life. My anxieties took over me like a parasitic host on its chosen organism; I was consumed and engulfed by my own thoughts. With my mind always running and unfocused on my health, I suffered the consequences. I become a shell of a person, extremely malnourished and weak. My parents were increasingly concerned every day, and it had many burdens on my family; they felt a loss of control over me. Tension was constant and conversations were hard to have without the setting becoming a verbal battlefield. Soon my parents had enough and could not watch their only daughter suffer and disintegrate into nothing anymore. I had to go through countless tests, doctor appointments and meetings with professionals, all of which my deteriorated mind saw as pointless. One day, my parents’ concerns became too great. As my frail body walked down the stairs, they told me to get into the car because we needed to go to the ER. My mom wanted to take me to get my heart checked out because my movements were continuing to become concerningly slow. I was reluctant and dismissive as I assured them I was fine. I was in denial, but eventually, we were in the car on our way to the emergency room.
While we were there, I cried and did the only thing that contained my stress: journaling. When we were finally called to meet with the physician, I was terrified. The doctor slowly attached the wires to my thin skin. I felt extremely vulnerable as we looked at my heart rate and trends on the screen. Looking at my heart rate and trends on the screen, I felt extremely vulnerable. My heart rate was beating about 30 times a minute, compared to the average healthy range of 60 to 100bpm. This means my heart was moving half as fast as it should have been, putting me in a dangerous state.
This moment at the ER opened my eyes to how much of a toll my anxiety had taken on my body and my relationships. My doctor was incredible, and explained to me the danger of my state and reminded me of how much life I have left to live. She encouraged me to not give up and to fight for myself. This visit changed my life forever. I began to seek treatment for my anxiety and slowly renourished my body. It took even more months and tears, but I was able to become stable again.
From this experience, I realized anxiety can cause more health complications than just mental cloudiness. Anxiety can cause mental despair, sleep problems, irregular heart rate, fatigue and other indirect problems such as eating disorders. Not only this, but according to research, intense anxiety rates have risen in individuals 18 to 25 years old from 7.97% in 2008 to 14.66% in 2018. This is a growing problem and if not contained, individuals can suffer immense consequences.
As a survivor of anxiety, I recommend all who relate to learn to cope and not be afraid to admit you’re struggling. If you feel like things are out of control in your life, there are strategies to help relieve your mind before things get out of hand. You can ask for help from loved ones or health care professionals. Sometimes you just need guidance or recommendations for assurance. Friends and family are a great resource for support; however, sometimes a healthcare professional may need to be consulted for better help. I also think it is important to attempt to identify what the root of your mental complication is. From this, you can actively establish a plan on what to do to combat these feelings and prevent further problems. Finally, don’t be afraid. Being in a state where it feels like you don’t know how to help yourself can be extremely terrifying. However, the best thing you can do is be fearless and take those steps to help yourself. There is no greater challenge than overcoming your own mind, and it is more than okay to have to ask for help to do so. I have learned that if you can fight the challenge of an internal battle, you can fight anything.
Adrianna Celani is a second-year public health major.
“My public health story” essays originated from an assignment on public health storytelling for a public health messaging and dissemination course led by Brittney Dixon-Daniel, Ph.D., M.P.H., director of the Bachelor of Public Health program.